Drama

I apologize ahead of time if this post is all jumbled- nothing like this has ever happened to me before and I hate that it's happening now. I'm not one to ever get involved in drama. Bella, Bella, Bella. I hadn't written about it earlier because I wasn't too sure: basically she has just been giving me the cold shoulder to the extreme. Before I went camping I tried to talk to her but she either wouldn't respond or would give me one word answers. I have not done anything wrong to her ever, but did apologize to her in case she felt like I had been neglecting her. I poured my heart out but she didn't respond. A few days later she finally told me that a lot is going on and basically that she doesn't want to be my friend right now. I understand people distancing themselves when they have personal issues, but she's saying she can't be friends with me when she can be friends with everyone else so easily. I just asked her if I could call her and she never responded. Then I saw her the next day at a group thing. I saw Summer for the first time in a while and that was nice but Bella was almost rude with me. Judy is my best friend but Bella has gotten pretty close to her in the summer- but Judy also agreed that Bella was not being nice. She had never told Judy anything bout being mad to me. So after a visit that made me want to cry because I felt so out of place, Bella asked Judy if she could call her later, when I had just asked Bella if I could call her later. So Judy went undercover to find out what was wrong. Apparently she isn't mad at me, but looking at me made her want to cry because she 'knows' that Alex is cheating on me. This just brings all kind of bullshit to the forefront. There was an incident back in May when Alex and I were separated where some girl named Katie tried to get with him but he turned him down. He told me about it when it happened. Word of mouth and things escalated and suddenly people think they had sex. I am astonished that Bella would believe that. She has been good friends with Alex since the day that she met him- how dare she accuse him of doing something that is completely out of his nature. Secondly, if she is so 'sure' that Alex cheated on me, wouldn't a good friend let me know instead of just ignore me? I think everyone is a little on edge because Alex did hurt me in the past, but we have worked things out and have been very good. Alex didn't want me to worry and didn't really tell me about the rumors, but it was why he was procrastinating putting the title on it. Last night everything just blew up and Alex said we should just end this until high school is over because there is always going to be drama until them and he's scared if we stay together this year and the drama won't go away. He is being a dumb ass. I have like four friends, nobody cares about me and nobody will care if I get back together with Alex. If they are dumb enough to believe that that sweet boy would cheat on anyone, and they think I have low standards for going back to him, fuck them. I don't care because they are not my friends and they clearly do not know Alex or I. I tried to tell Alex that, and I tried to tell him that a relationship is between two people solely- not two people and the entire rest of the school. I know he understood what he was saying, but he's programmed to care about appearance so much. He just kept saying we'll try again in a year, but I know if we stopped now his feelings would fade by then, and he'd be with someone else. I'm still not sure if this is all something he is saying in the heat of the moment. Bella hasn't been acting nice but she is a nice girl and I know she would feel terrible if she knew she were the reason that he left me. I think it is a little rumor that spread into a huge one and blew out of proportion and Alex is more worried about it than he has to be. He needs to understand that if we are not officially together by the time school comes around, I might finally give up on him because it has been three months of this 'in between' bullshit and he keeps putting it off. I know he doesn't want to take another break, but he has to make things official so that we can avoid this drama that would disappear if everyone knew we were together. Everyone who had caused drama before and knows that we are together again have completely left us alone. Alex is being stubborn. And I'm not sure if I want to sit down and talk to Bella or not. I don't know if it's worth it. All I know is last night I was angrier than I think I ever have been in my entire life, and somehow Alex now thinks we should break up, and that led to me crying about my grandma for the first time, and now I am just so emotionally exhausted.